Parenting Teenagers: Mood Disorders and Parental Reactions
We have all gone through times that we feel sad and moody. But what is the difference between feeling moody and clinical depression? Additionally, is there a difference between our own potential depression as parents and when we have an adolescent who is experiencing signs of depression?
Symptoms of adolescent depression frequently differ from symptoms in adults. For example, youth may experience more irritability and moodiness, sleep at odd times of the day and isolate themselves from adults, particularly family members, but still want to be with friends. Adults, however, may experience insomnia, intense bouts of sadness and isolate themselves from both friends and family. Other signs and symptoms to be aware of are constant irritability, significantly reduced interest in previous pleasant activities, weight loss or weight gain of 10 pounds, insomnia or increased desire to sleep, loss of energy, feelings of worthlessness, inappropriate guilt and trouble concentrating. It is common for teenagers to be moody, partially because their brains are not fully developed until later in life. Therefore, it is difficult to know if certain behaviors are “typical teenage” behavior or something more.
Tips for Parenting Teenagers
It is important to talk to your child about what you are noticing. Language such as “I notice that you are sleeping more than usual” or “I notice you haven’t wanted to play basketball recently” are non-judgmental ways to communicate with your teen without them feeling blamed. I notice, I wonder, and I appreciate are wonderful phrases to use when talking with a teenager about a parental concern.
Listen. Listen to your teenager without responding right away or trying to solve their problems for them. Many times, teenagers just want to hear “wow that really sucks.” It helps them feel acknowledged and validated. This is a very difficult skill for parents as the shift from our children wanting us to help them solve their problems to just wanting to hear some validation regarding their problem happens seemingly overnight.
Be gentle but persistent. The analogy of gardening comes to mind here. It is important not to over water and also to not under water a plant, and the same is true for a teenager. Don’t give up if your child shuts you out; that is commonplace, and almost expected. Adolescents often have difficulty putting their thoughts into words and coming up with the right word to express how they are feeling. Be respectful of your child’s limits yet find ways to let them know you are there to listen. Car rides or “side-to-side” activities like hiking are always a great time to talk to children because they feel less invasive than a face-to-face conversation at the kitchen table.
Acknowledge your teenager’s emotions and the intensity of a situation in their eyes. It is important to remember you cannot “talk your teen out of depression.” The challenges teens face with peer pressure, social media and school might sound trivial to you as an adult yet for them these are real, raw and overwhelming situations. By saying “That’s not a big deal” or “I had to deal with much worse,” you appear invalidating and hurtful to your teen, despite your intentions.
Trust your gut as your child’s parent. You know your child best and if your teen seems “off” and claims nothing is wrong, you should trust your instincts. If your teen won’t open up to you, consider turning to a professional that can be trusted by your child. Options include, a school counselor, a favorite teacher, or a mental health professional. The important thing is getting them talking to someone. When choosing a professional for your teenager to speak to it is important to get their input and buy in. When a teenager feels included in the therapeutic journey, they will be more willing to engage in effective communication. There are many types of professionals, including marriage and family therapists, clinical social workers, psychologists, and psychiatrists. All clinicians have a different personality and use different therapeutic modalities. Teenagers have strong opinions; this is a perfect time to let them have their strong opinion. It shows your teen that what they find important in their therapeutic relationship is important and meaningful to you as well.
How ROWI Can Help
ROWI Teen & Parent Wellness Centers can help you and your teenager with professional mental health support. Each of our clients receives a treatment plan that will support them in meeting their goals. Programs are individualized in order to meet each client and family where they are at in the process. To find out more, use our contact us form or call our Admissions Team at 805-356-3477, and one of our helpful coordinators will assist you in completing an application, scheduling an assessment, verifying your insurance, and get you, your family, and teen started on your journey to mental wellness.