What’s the difference between feeling moody and clinical depression? Is there a difference between our own potential depression as parents and when we have a child who is experiencing signs of depression?
Symptoms of depression for your child frequently differ from symptoms in adults.
For example, your child may:
- Experience more irritability and moodiness.
- Sleep at odd times of the day.
- Isolate themselves from adults, particularly family members, but still want to be with friends.
Adults, however, have different signs. They might:
- Experience insomnia.
- Have intense bouts of sadness.
- Isolate themselves from both friends and family.
- Be constantly irritable.
- Express significantly reduced interest in previous pleasant activities.
- Show weight loss or weight gain of 10 pounds.
- Lose energy.
- Feel worthlessness or inappropriate guilt.
- Have trouble concentrating.
It’s no secret that teenagers are known to be moody and their brains are not nearly fully developed until much older in life. Therefore, it’s difficult to know if certain behaviors are “typical teenage” behavior or something more.
“I notice. I wonder. I appreciate …”
For starters, it’s important to talk to your child about what you’re noticing. Language such as, “I notice that you are sleeping more than usual,” or “I notice you haven’t wanted to play basketball recently” are non-judgmental ways to communicate with your teen without them feeling blamed.
These are wonderful words to use when talking with a teenager about a concern.
Listen.
Listen to your teenager. Listen without responding right away or trying to solve their problems.
Many times, teenagers just want to hear, “Wow, that really sucks.” It helps them feel acknowledged and validated. This is a very difficult skill for parents as the shift from our children wanting us to help them solve their problems to just wanting to hear some validation happens seemingly overnight.
Be gentle but persistent.
The analogy of gardening comes to mind. It’s important not to overwater and or underwater a plant – same with a teenager. Don’t give up if your child shuts you out – that’s expected.
Kids often have difficulty putting their thoughts into words and coming up with the right emotion to express how they are feeling. You can be respectful of your child’s limits but still find ways to let them know you’re there to listen.
Pro tip: Car rides are a great time to talk because, for kids, it feels less invasive than a face-to-face conversation at the kitchen table.
Acknowledgement.
You can acknowledge your child’s emotions and the intensity of a situation in their eyes. It’s important to remember that you can’t “talk your teen out of depression.” The challenges teens face with peer pressure, social media, and school might sound trivial to you, but for they’re real, raw, and overwhelming. Saying, “That’s not a big deal,” or “I had to deal with much worse” might be well-intentioned, but it comes across as invalidating and hurtful to your teen.
Trust your gut.
You know your child best, and if your teen seems “off” and claims nothing is wrong, you should trust your instincts.
If your teen won’t open up to you, consider turning to a professional that can be trusted by your child.
Options include, a school counselor, a favorite teacher, or a mental health professional. The important thing is getting them talking to someone.
Getting help.
When choosing a professional, it’s important to get your child’s input and buy-in. When a teenager feels included in the therapeutic journey, they’re more willing to engage in effective communication.
There are many options, including marriage and family therapists, clinical social workers, psychologists, and psychiatrists. All clinicians have a different personality and use different therapeutic modalities.
Teenagers have strong opinions. This is a perfect time to let them have their strong opinion. It shows your teen that what they find important in their therapeutic relationship is important and meaningful to you, as well.
In the end, everyone wins.
